A pastiche of Strunk and White’s The Elements of Style.
There is no defense for such an annoying verb
growing out of the noun, or pitchman’s jargon
as an intensifier used as a mere substitute for say.
Do not take shortcuts unless your ear is good.
Be clear to the offbeat, which looks more
like a cormorant than a heron. I am reminded
of the advice of my neighbor enclosed
in quotation marks: I’m closer to my mother
than my father, restrictive and cited as documentary
evidence introduced by a colon. You must either grant
his request or incur his ill: hunger in spring, summer,
or winter, indefinite as well as negative. Mother
objected to our driving on the icy roads, young
and inexperienced, the possessive home-type hotels.
While I admire his energy, I wish it were employed
in a better cause.