A pastiche of Strunk and White’s The Elements of Style.
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There is no defense for such an annoying verb
growing out of the noun, or pitchman’s jargon
as an intensifier used as a mere substitute for say.
Do not take shortcuts unless your ear is good.
Be clear to the offbeat, which looks more
like a cormorant than a heron. I am reminded
of the advice of my neighbor enclosed
in quotation marks: I’m closer to my mother
than my father, restrictive and cited as documentary
evidence introduced by a colon. You must either grant
his request or incur his ill: hunger in spring, summer,
or winter, indefinite as well as negative. Mother
objected to our driving on the icy roads, young
and inexperienced, the possessive home-type hotels.
While I admire his energy, I wish it were employed
in a better cause.